It's true what they say...

"You don't know how much you really love someone until you lose him/her."

I just woke up from a bad dream. You see, I have only one grandparent left and that's my Apong Piling. She's 87, but she can still move around and do some work. She does her chores a lot slower now but we don't really expect an 87 year old to even work right? Before I came to Vancouver I spent a few days at my folks' and had a little time to spend with her and the family. I said goodbye to her when I left. I told her it was going to be a real long time before I see her again.

Today I dreamt of her... not in the state where I left her. In my dream, she can't remember me anymore. She asked me questions, and she asked them in a mean way, like she didn't trust me. After answering all her questions about y identity, I saw some recognition in her eyes and I hugged her, overwhelmed with relief. Then she asked me something else, and I realized she mistook me for another person. Not good, I told her I was JR, her grandson. I immediately felt lost when I saw her cry, thinking how much it would hurt not to be remembered by a loved one. So much more for her, how much would it hurt not to remember?

I am worried about her. I pray to God she's okay. I love her so much.

No room for love...

My heart is empty. I haven't felt that fleeting feeling of being in love for quite some time now. I miss it. I miss the butterflies in the stomach. I miss the warmth of blood rushing to my face when I blush. I miss the awkward silences. I miss times when I stutter or simply be at a loss for words when I'm in front of the girl in my heart. These are the best moments of being in love. Not being in love with someone yet, but the time before that... when your special someone doesn't know how you feel for her yet. This is when men like us get to know what we're truly made of. I miss all of these.

But right now, there's just no room for love... or is there?

The Ex

My ex-girlfriend replied to my message today. I felt excited and happy just knowing that I can talk to her again. Problem is, she was sooo cold. The chat wasn't as I expected. Maybe I was expecting to much. Maybe I still feel something special for her. Maybe I'm not totally over her yet. It was April when we broke up. I made it look like it was no big deal to me, but it was. We were such a perfect couple, until we finally had to face the "big problem" (aka religion). I miss her. What's ironic is that when she was telling me she misses me, I was the one who didn't show any emotion. I missed her too. And I told her that, minus the emotions. I thought I can keep her as a friend after we broke up. I guess I was wrong. But I really wish I was right.

The rebirth...

I moved to Vancouver just this Monday and I am pretty sure I will have a lot of time to do this again. I haven't been in love with someone after Diana (we had to part in April due to religion). So I will take off from there...

Love conquers all they say. The question is, "Is love enough to keep a relationship going, even when the biggest odds are against you?". The odds for us were friends and religion.

What if your parents or your closest friends are against your relationship? I guess it will depend on your culture whether this will really affect your relationship or not. I was born in a culture where the padre de familia is the word. The parents always know better. And we value friendship like we value our family. If I was traditional, I would say this will really put you into a dilemma. But I'm not. I'm from the modern world. I am an adult and I will live my life the way I want it to. I accept any consequence of my decisions. Love can conquer this.

How about religion? I will say now it depends on your religion and your belief. Some religions allow inter-belief marriage, and some don't. Others would ask that both couples be in the same church/belief/religion so that the church and the families can allow marriage to take place. I am a Roman Catholic. I have attended fellowships, services, masses from other religions too and I believe in respecting one's faith. I believed that two people from two very different beliefs can get married and live together harmoniously and live a happy life. I gave this deeper thought after joining Diana's church's service. I asked myself how we will raise our kids in case we were allowed to marry even without joining the other's religion. It would be a disaster for the kids. Icould not get myself to force Diana to join my church, as I cannot allow her to do that to me too. I decided I could not trade what I have believed in all my life for a love so strong but so young. This is why we had to part.

So can love conquer all? I say it would depend on the people involved. Each of us has his/her own priorities and love will have to take its own place there.