Need Advice....

I talked to her last night. She told me she misses me. She told me she wants me to go back home soon. She told me she wants to get married. She told me she wants to have kids. She told me she wants them soon. Do you think she's trying to tell me something?

I told her to nurture what she has now so she might get what she wants. She has a boyfriend now you know. I love her still though. Can you imagine how hard it was for me to stop myself from telling her that again? I've fallen for her over and over.

Things just start working out for me, allowing me to build up hope, that we can be together. Then she disappears. Or she becomes busy. Or she meets someone else. Do you think I should allow myself to fall for her once again? She simply says my name and I end up with my heart in my throat. My heart beats fast just hearing her voice. I know, I am in love. Still. But I shouldn't just keep waiting for her, should I?

I am so good when giving advice to other people, but I can't give myself a single good one.

The Hurt

A sense of paranoia. That's what I have everytime I fall for someone. After a few days or weeks from realizing that I'm in love, I await that moment when the Hurt comes in. I do not know if this is because I've been bad in a past life, or if I'm just insecure. I have conditioned my mind from years back that I will get my Karma sometime. I hurt some people, and I know I'm gonna be hurt too. I've been hurt a lot of times after that. I just don't know when the Hurt is going to end anymore. I'm at the brink of giving up now. I'm in pain. I've been hurt too many times and I don't know if I can take any more. I hope the next girl is going to be the One already. I don't like myself when I become so negative.